The Danger of Bedtime Stories (or Valentine's Day)

I realize I've been MIA for about ten days, but I have a really good reason.

You see, for Valentine's Day, I got this really breath-taking present.  If truth be told, it was actually the night before Valentine's Day.  An early present!

I wasn't expecting it at all!  It was a total and complete surprise to me.  In fact, I don't know when I've ever been more surprised in my life.

Not only was I surprised, but I was completely stunned!  My jaw dropped to the floor.  I didn't even know what to say-- in fact, I don't think I said anything at all for about five minutes.

And when I finally did speak, I couldn't tell you what I said or if I was even coherent.  I'm sure there was screaming.  And tears.  It was one whopper of a present!


Did you guess it yet?

I broke my nose!

I'd like to say that I was spelunking or sky diving or even bungee jumping-- imagine how exciting and perhaps risky that would sound.  Maybe even believable.  But the truth is boring.  Way more boring than that.  In fact, it sounds almost ridiculous when I say it aloud.  In fact, I'll say it, and then you can be witness to the ridiculousness.  Ready?

I broke my nose reading a bedtime story to my five-year-old.

See what I mean!?!  Actually, it was my five-year-old that broke my nose.  How about that?!  He was merely walking around on the bed and then he somehow fell on me.  I know!  It doesn't quite make sense when I say it to myself.  It wasn't like he suddenly dropped from the sky and I cushioned his certain-death fall with my nose... or maybe it was kind of like that.  It depends on what your notion of sky is.  But anyway, my nose took the full brunt of some part of his head.  My face exploded with pain, and then there was the telltale bruising, swelling, and whatnot that followed.  Pain followed pretty much.  Pain upon pain upon pain.


My nose hurt.  My head hurt.  My sinuses hurt.  Even my teeth hurt.  Actually, there was this constant shooting pain like someone had shoved an electric rod in my face and was trying to push my teeth out of my head.  I wasn't sure if I was going to lose my teeth altogether or just end up looking like the one of the 'Hags of the Long Teeth' in Padraic Colum's The King of Ireland's Son.  It wasn't until two days ago that something mysteriously and quite audibly popped back into place, and the intense shooting pain subsided and left me with just a tender, throbbing nose.

It's funny when you wake up and find yourself to be thankful for a throbbing nose.  Talk about perspective.  With five-year-olds randomly falling from the sky, it could have been much, much worse.  Motherhood is dangerous, after all.  It's a real contact sport.  Don't let them tell you otherwise.

And reading bedtime stories?  Totally. Dangerous.

I'm going to start wearing a helmet.